Moy Tovarishch, Moya Bor'ba
by Samurai Smee
Summary: Set after CA:TWS. The Winter Soldier is on a mission to learn exactly what was done to him, as well as why that one man only says the sweetest things to him and looks at him like he's...a comrade. Rated for a reason. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Moy Tovarishch, Moya Bor'ba

Chapter One

_Third Person POV_

"But then I said to her...hm...I guess I'm boring you with all this, huh?" the young lady spoke from across the red and white-checkered table towards the famous man before her.

"Hm?" Steve Rogers had his chin resting on a fist, his blue eyes having drifted over the different wood gradients in the floor of the Italian restaurant they were in, but snapped his attention right back to his date upon hearing such a question.

"I'm sorry...I don't know where my head has been at lately," Cap apologized, courteous as ever in spite of the fact that he wanted to leave and was, in fact, extremely bored right now, "...and it has been a very long time since I've...been out with anyone like this, so I uh...I think I'm out of practice."

An excuse and it made him cringe inside to even hear himself say it.

Steve had finally had enough of the several S.H.I.E.L.D agents pestering him about meeting a nice woman to take on dates and to start really enjoying life again; everyone seeming to have a differing opinion about what that really meant, however.

It had been just the week prior that Captain America had half-way begrudgingly asked out Lillian from accounting, if for nothing else, just to take some of the heat off coming from his peers.

That did nothing to quell the crystal-clear voice in the back of the Captain's head that insisted on reminding him that his heart was not in this date, that it was not fair to this young girl...and that as long as his mind continued to be wholly occupied with a certain task, he simply could not focus on too much else.

Lillian was speaking again, telling him how much she understood...

But her voice was a dull fog that did not reach the sullen super soldier who silently prayed that their food would not be too much longer so this date could conclude at last.

Steve sighed.

It had been four months since S.H.I.E.L.D had fallen and Captain America had last seen the Winter Soldier.

Four months of being confined to a hospital because of the Winter Soldier, removed from duty, and instructed by each Avenger at one point that he needed to 'take it easy' and 'just focus on recovering.'

"_Bucky..."_ Steve's most troubling and frequent thought resurfaced for the umpteenth time, and blue eyes trailed over wood flooring again.

Cap had recovered in that time.

He had taken care of himself.

He had done what had been asked of him.

But Steve knew that just recovering physically was not totally recovering from the situation.

He had already swore to himself that he would look for Bucky...

"_Now if only this awful date would end..."_ Steve thought dryly as the woman rambled on.

X

Meanwhile, halfway across the world...

Light blue eyes surveyed his immediate surroundings, every sense fine-tuned to the harsh environment.

Fresh white snow covered the sprawling landscape and offered a biting chill in the air that made one side of the sky-scraping trees have thick lines of frost.

A tall man dressed in thick, black tactical gear stood alone with his gloved hands holding an automatic firearm at ease while he planned his next move, the passing winds tossing his wild brown locks every which way.

The Winter Soldier sighed silently from behind his mask, having to quiet his thoughts lest they get too jumbled again.

Ever since fighting Captain America...and hearing those words...those few, simple words from that man that had made his hands freeze and his stomach drop because they had been words from a different time...and now he just could not seem to...

The soldier shook his head to remind himself to forget those types of thoughts.

He was on a mission, this one given to him by himself, for a change.

The moment he had rescued Captain America from that lake and dragged him to the bank so he would not drown, the soldier knew what he needed to do.

He was going to the place where this had all started.

He needed to see where he had fallen from the train all those years ago.

And the laboratory that he knew would be relatively close by...he needed to see what they had done to him.

The man adjusted his grip on the firearm and then continued his trek through the snow and bitter cold...letting that one spark of hope keep him warm.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Third Person POV_

Three weeks later...

"Can I say it again? This is really stupid," Sam spoke up with his usual dry wit that made Cap roll his eyes.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't; who knows...but this is where I would go if I were him..." Steve answered his friend and then pondered on the words he had just spoken out loud, realizing just how truthful they were.

"Right...I just hope you have a good plan if he is there, which, again, has no guarantee stamped on it," Sam responded, shooting his friend and brother in arms a knowing look of just what they might be in for if Captain America was correct.

Sam and Steve were currently stowed away on a service train hauling lumber and coal heading out of Kiev and into Russia, the men having had Tony Stark pull a few strings with the foreign governments in getting them even that far.

Sam had readily agreed to travel with Captain America, knowing that when the time came, his friend might need back up...or a solution that he could not execute himself.

The following days had consisted with them packing up all the gear and supplies they could possibly need, both fully aware that at the end of the day, they were embarking on a man-hunt for no ordinary man.

The Winter Soldier was dangerous, having nearly killed Sam on the helicarrier during their battle over the Potomac...

But he was also Steve's friend, and it was that loyalty and determination from the First Avenger that made Sam stick around to help.

Falcon adjusted his grip on his grey backpack that contained his jet-propelled flight gear that he kept securely on the floor in between his boots, both men swaying from side to side from the train's movements along the frozen tracks.

The temperature was frigid outside and inside the train cars was hardly any better, but neither soldier spoke a word of such an inconvenience while they entered into Russia and sped towards Moscow.

They were too well trained, too intent on this task, to let trivial matters bother them, and it was with a mutual somberness between them that they continued closer towards their destination.

"_He has to be there...he just has to...please Bucky...be there..." _Steve thought glumly to himself, wringing his hands together before bringing them up to his mouth and breathing warm air inside them.

"So uh..." Sam piped up once more, speaking conversationally as he could practically feel Cap's depression from over where he sat, "...do you know where we need to look once we get there? I mean, we have something to go on, right?"

Steve sat up straighter and pressed his wide back against the wall of the car, processing his friend's fair question of their situation.

"I know where to go," Cap affirmed simply, not leaving any more room for questions or concerns as he cast his ocean-blue eyes to his left and looked down the darkened train car, remembering his closest friend's handsome face.

X

Meanwhile...

The lonely soldier clad in inky black craned his neck towards the sky to cast his light blue eyes along the tops of the trees that decorated the surrounding snow-capped mountains.

The area was desolate and unpopulated, shielded by the many thick groupings of trees that perfectly hid the valley from view.

This place was almost untraceable.

"_It's here..."_ the Winter Soldier thought darkly as he grit his teeth and then proceeded even further into the clearing, able to feel his every instinct suddenly be on high alert and his fingertips twitch as a result.

His automatic weapons were nearly frozen solid and hung heavily along his large back, the soldier feeling the pressures on his limbs and bones from being out in such severe cold for so long, but he pushed all of that aside for this moment.

Curving around one of the snowy banks, trees on either side, was a small opening in the ground, untouched by snow or ice.

"_Yes...it's this way, bring him here quickly!"_

"_...lost too much blood...can't...save him..."_

"_Who said anything about saving him...?"_

"Aghh! Shut up!" the soldier was suddenly on his knees in the snow, clutching his head in his metal and gloved hands as fragments of visions of what had to be memories poked through like light shining in through fine cracks in a brick wall.

He heaved out his air, making his breath appear as white wisps beyond his mask as he tried to regain his grip on reality, always feeling bits of pain tear through him when images appeared to him like that.

"...ugh..." the Winter Soldier voiced as he stomped strongly to his feet once more, determined to keep going if being in this place was triggering more memories to surface, more peeks into his life.

No more lies.

He had to know the truth and find it out for himself.

Even if it killed him.

The Winter Soldier slipped inside the hidden, underground entrance, retrieving one of the many firearms from his back and took a deep breath.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_Bucky's POV_

I tried to control my breathing, making it and my footsteps as silent as possible as I slowly made my way down a winding, metal staircase that was leading me lower and lower inside this place.

My flesh hand was freezing as I gripped my firearm tightly and words spun over and over inside my head that I needed to be careful...that I needed to be ready for anything.

"_This was a laboratory used by HYDRA,"_ my thoughts reminded me sharply, and I had to squint my eyes against the creeping darkness the further I progressed, _"...there could be traps all over this place."_

Grey stones lined the walls and some littered the hard floor below as I stepped off of the staircase and then took a moment to assess my best course of action.

This room was too wide, too open, where anything could lie in waiting just a few yards ahead and I would never know it until it was right on top of me.

My senses were screaming at me, warning me be it from battle experience or plain common sense, that there was more to this underground area.

I moved my tongue around the inside of my mouth, wetting the roof, before taking my time in walking out ahead, deciding to go straight through the largest area and not towards either of the sides.

A shiver ran over me, leaving me feeling uncomfortably warm even though I had just come inside this place from the wintery realm outside.

I could easily forget such a minor discomfort like that, so I pressed onwards, finally able to see more shapes start to appear before my eyes in the bleary distance.

Perhaps it was from the glow of the pristine snow at the top of the staircase overhead that I was able to see the doorway camouflaged by the consistent stone pattern and overwhelming darkness, and I felt my heart rate double for a split second.

My head swam, my vision all but blurring around the edges, but I picked up my pace and marched around the front wall and rounded the immediate corner.

Suddenly, lights flickered on after a few tries just from my presence, illuminating too much too fast and I brought up my mechanical arm to shield my eyes.

I kept my eyes half-lidded until I was used to the bright yellow light as I lowered my hand from my face, now able to see that I was standing in a wide room cluttered with ancient medical equipment.

Tools were scattered lifelessly along the dirty, tiled floor, a few medical beds were on the right, sided by multiple, high-reaching towers of screens and switches.

The other side of the room held more sophisticated technology...huge monitors and rows of buttons and computers.

I swallowed hard, already feeling more erased memories starting to build up in the back of my brain..begging for just a little more _something_ so that they could be fully formed.

I took a shaky breath, realizing that while the corridor and this room were of substantial space and size, there only was one way in and one way out of this place.

I refused to let myself feel trapped, though.

Who could possibly know I was here?

I stepped over to one medical bed, keeping my guard and my weapon raised while I scanned over the contents of the trays that beside it.

For some reason, I had a hard time looking at the rusted drills and bone-saws that lie there, almost as if I could hear their awful whir and screech right now and feel the pain of having them inserted into living human flesh.

"_Sergeant Barnes..."_

"_...the procedure is going well..."_

"_He will have...one...fully mechanized arm...!"_

"No! No! Stop it!" I screamed, my whole body feeling as if it might cave in on itself, either from fatigue or stress or hunger or something else...something darker...something I had been trying to keep at bay for a long time and was failing.

...something I had felt the moment I walked away from Captain America that fateful day.

I staggered, wrestling with this overpowering sensation that I could not quite put my finger on...my breaths coming out in short, rapid patterns that I could not seem to slow down on my own.

I was hyperventilating...and I could not stop.

I knelt down on one knee and let go of my firearm, letting it clang to the floor, as I rested my metal hand beside it.

My breathing slowed down as I looked over my metal fingers played out on the floor, seeing how they were in the perfect shape of what my natural fingers would look like...how they responded like my natural fingers would. have..but it was still just metal.

Cold.

Mechanized.

Designed for killing...like the rest of me.

I stood and picked my weapon up, replacing it on my back, before striding over to the other side of the room towards the largest computer screen.

There were too many buttons and switches and knobs and I furrowed my brow, trying to make sense of it if I wanted to try to tap into information here.

"Identification please," a woman's computerized voice suddenly chimed, the very act seeming to spark several of the monitors to life before me, causing me to take a step back.

"...I...I don't know," I said with a sigh that I cast off to the side, hating how truthful and pathetic such a statement was from me.

A few of the computers beeped and some of the buttons flashed at my fingertips, but it was only for a moment.

"Insufficient date. Unable to access files."

I sighed again and lowered my shoulders, some of my lengthy brown locks moving across my cheeks.

I did not know what to do.

I could not remember the last time I had felt so lost...

"Please complete retinal or fingerprint scan."

I looked up at once, surprised, as I had not expected to hear anything more from the system.

My eyes darted to the controls below the monitors, searching for anything that might look familiar.

I saw a flat, black screen and stepped up to it, having to adjust my automatic firearms strapped to my back again.

Without thinking, I lifted my mechanical arm to the screen, hesitating once I did so, finding it ironic and awful.

"...what the hell..." I thought, crestfallen and desperate for answers no matter what that entailed.

I laid my metal hand along the black screen and immediately saw green lines shoot up from the previously inactive technology that traced over and over each of my fingers and palm.

They blinked away and in the next instant, several charts appeared on the monitors right in front of me, showing names, dates, measures...everything that made up a person.

"Identity confirmed."

I swallowed hard, almost shaking.

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes...status...reported killed in action...file override detected...codenamed: Winter Soldier...status: active..."

My mouth fell open and my eyes suddenly felt weighted down like they needed to close.

More information flooded the screens, but I could hardly see it after hearing that.

"_...he...he was...telling the...and even that exhibit...I didn't want to believe it...but..."_ my stream of consciousness of going haywire, but I refused to complete that particular thought, however; forcing myself to snap out of my shock.

Anger took over.

Innate, unbridled anger, white-hot in my veins.

I delivered a mighty kick to the control panel, making sparks shoot up from the large crater I put in the metal, before I turned around and grabbed one of the medical beds.

With a strangled roar, I launched the bed towards the large screen, shattering glass and making more of the metal fixture twist from the blunt force.

"Warning! Warning!Vorwarnung!"

"Shut up!" I hollered furiously, quickly retrieving one of my melee weapons and spraying the area with bullets before I closed my metal fist and rushed towards the console.

I hammered my fist down on the metal fixture once, watching how the whole thing seemed to split apart around my hand with an earsplitting squelch of hard material being forced to move, and I felt the tiniest bit of my anguish subside upon totaling the room.

I was breathing hard, wanting to inflict more damage, but not seeing the point...and...

_Creak. Tap._

"_What was that?!" _my thoughts focused in an instant as I whipped my head around towards the only doorway to this room.

I did not wait to listen for another sound to happen, but I righted my posture and padded over to a wall.

I pressed my side against the stone wall next to the opened doorway, lifting my gun and training my ears hard towards the outer corridor.

My eyes were on the ground while I waited, more sparks still flying in the air from the wrecked equipment in the room behind me but I paid them no mind.

Silence.

I licked the front of my teeth behind my mask.

Suddenly, there was a tapping noise coming from inside this room!

I pushed off the wall and faced inside, weapon poised to fire.

"_A...rock?"_ I concluded, seeing the small pebble cease its short, hopping trek inside from the doorway.

A diversion...

"Now!" a booming voice called and then there were hands grabbing me from behind.

"Grr!" I growled upon receiving a sharp kick to the back of my leg which brought me to my knees, two sets of hands holding both of mine up in the air and away from my body so I could not retrieve any of my weapons.

"Captain! Cuff him now!" that same voice called again, puzzling me and coaxing me to cock my head and lift my gaze up to the aforementioned person.

"I know, Sam...I know...just...give me a minute..."

My eyes widened in absolute shock upon seeing that man...Captain America...standing right here over me, staring warmly into my half-covered features while he and his comrade continued to keep my hands secured.

"Hiya, Buck," he said with a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_Cap's POV_

He had come right through here.

The snow was falling lightly, but not enough to cover tracks left at least a half hour ago.

We were close.

"Seems like we're finally getting a break..." Sam commented, echoing my own thoughts aloud and I could not help but agree.

After leaving the train, he and I had bundled up in our thickest boots and coats, the temperature here in Russia being far colder than it had been out further west, and we had already pushed our bodies passed the point of exhaustion in following the few leads that had brought us here.

But these tracks in the snow bank were as clear as day, leading to what appeared to be a large clearing in an area that no one would have normally walked through.

"Come on...and get ready," I informed my colleague, eying him from over my shoulder and giving him a stern look as we followed the trail.

My stomach was in knots, my brain forgetting all the things I had thought I would say to him once I saw him again...I was getting nervous.

"_This is Bucky...my best friend...my family...and he needs my help,"_ my stream of conscious was crystal clear to me as I stomped through the tall snow, passing brittle trees and huge boulders that stuck out of the perfect white here and there.

I could not let myself get too worked up.

Bucky needed me...so I had to be strong for him. I needed to give him whatever it would take to help him.

I clenched my jaws together unconsciously and pressed onward, feeling determined, feeling aggravated, feeling ready to get my family back.

I could not pull myself back into the here and now just yet, missing whatever colorful comment Sam had made from behind me, because it was then that I saw it.

An opening.

The footprints were heaviest here, meaning that he had stopped right here for a a while to probably think about going inside that evident opening in the ground and snow.

"Haa...son of a bitch..." Sam breathed heavily as he finally came up on my flank, his goggles on his face while he trained his vision left to right and back left again, obviously assessing the whole scope of the icy area as well as observing the same thing I was.

"It's just like how you said, Cap...pretty close to the tracks and where your boy would have fallen from..." Sam had begun to capture the situation, but I cut him off.

"Copy that, Sam...I know," I rushed the words from my mouth, not wanting to remember that dreadful day any more than I already did which ran like a constant loop going over and over in my mind, reminding me...always reminding me.

Cautiously, we stepped towards the underground entrance, Sam keeping watch to the left and back while I watched our right and front while we moved.

No traps so far.

No surprises.

There had been no extra footprints or scuffles in the snow, leading me to believe that he had just walked right in there and we could do the same...but I could not take any chances.

Even though Sam had offered me his help in detaining the Winter Soldier, I knew that I still needed to protect him.

This was my mission and I needed to keep it that way.

My teeth grit again as I had to adjust my posture in order to squeeze through the opening, mindful of my surroundings as I took slow, measured steps down a staircase that I was surprised to find well in tact despite its constant exposure to the elements.

"Dude, this is crazy..." Sam whispered at my back as he followed my lead, the winged soldier having to shift his shoulders a bit to make sure he did not bump into the widening walls around us while he descended, "...Nazi scientists were a lot of things, but you can't say they didn't know how to make one hell of a hideout."

_Bam!_

"Quiet!" I whispered loudly before lowering my voice even more, holding up a hand that stopped all of our steps going down the spiraling staircase so we could focus on the noises coming from farther in, "...listen."

Suddenly, the unmistakeable pounding noise of bullets being fired in rapid succession made Sam and I crouch down low and rush down the rest of the stairs, flattening ourselves to the cold floor once we got there.

Their range...sounded off, however.

No bullets had ricocheted off of the dark walls or blotted the ground in front of us.

All of that gunfire had not been aimed at us.

"Cap?" Sam voiced once the shooting had stopped, showing his concern as he turned to to face me, hands still up by his ears.

"Those bullets weren't meant for us;" I assessed the situation before standing up from the dirty, frozen floor, a few scrapes and taps of my boots happening against the stone floor sounding like something deafening in such a space, "we might still be able to surprise him...come on."

I charged forward with my shield on my back, guided by the direction all the commotion had just come from.

"Aw shit, here we go...!" Sam sort of grumbled out loud to himself as he also flung himself off of the floor and followed my lead, him having to rush to catch up to me.

"Hey Cap, hang on!" Falcon voiced to my back, making us both pause at the maze-like doorway that was hidden by a shorter wall in front of it, something that could only be seen properly from being this close to it.

"I got an idea..." my friend reasoned with me with a sharp look that did remind me that I needed to think this through carefully and perhaps not just rush headfirst into this situation, especially because it was Bucky I needed to play this safe.

I silently observed as Sam squatted down and picked up a small stone fragment and then stood back up, holding it up for me to see clearly as well.

I nodded, understanding.

Sam fiddled with the pebble in between his fingers for a moment, perhaps determining its weight or possibly just because he was nervous.

We both knew that after he threw that rock, we would have to rush inside that room and see whatever was on the other side.

Sam closed his fist around the pebble, squeezing it his gloved hand for a second before throwing it around the shorter, outer wall and we both could hear as it bounced inside the room.

_One._

I sucked in enough air to fill my lungs to capacity.

_Two._

Sam snatched off his goggles.

_Three._

"Now!"

My air rushed out of me.

We charged inside the room, immediately taking in the striking brightness and yellowed the area, as well as the many burning fires that spotted over much of the equipment.

The room was filled with smoke, but my eyes barely registered the hindrance because I immediately focused on him.

He was right there, standing tall and dark, right in front of me.

His black mask looked just as menacing as I remembered.

His stance was worn but tough, a fighter's form, and he appeared to be uninjured...

I knew I was hesitating but Sam had not, having knocked away Bucky's firearm and then maneuvered to be behind him.

Seeing Sam kick the back of Bucky's knee to force him to kneel set my feet into motion to help, both of us pulling his heavy arms up in the air and restraining his hands.

I kept my fingers tight around Bucky's metal wrist, feeling him pull against my strength and hearing the slight whir of advanced machinery when he closed his hand into a fist.

His hair had gotten a little longer, a few chocolate brown strands covered his downcast eyes from me, but I kept my gaze steady on him, needing to see him.

"Captain! Cuff him now!" Sam hollered at me and rightfully so, seeing as I had hesitated again, getting lost in my own thoughts which were becoming harder and harder to separate the more I looked upon his familiar, handsome face.

"I know, Sam...I know...just...give me a minute..." I had began to acquiesce, that was until Bucky lifted his chin and bore his gorgeous eyes right up into mine.

I felt my breath hitch and my voice drift off upon receiving the full force of those eyes.

He looked confused and tired, battle-worn yet still with red-hot fury buried within him, allowing him to be ready to fight no matter what.

I could feel my chest tighten upon seeing such awful emotions swirling in those lovely hazel-blue eyes of his...eyes I had looked into time and time again in the passed and had felt reassured.

But now that I was with him again...my best friend in the world...I knew that I needed to be the one to reassure him this time.

I smiled and spoke.

"Hiya, Buck."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_Bucky's POV_

"_How can he...look at me like that...?"_ the words flooded my brain before I could stop them, my own eyes unable to help peering up into that endless ocean blue of his, drawn to its warmth _"...and he...called me that name again."_

He looked so happy to see me.

I shook my head and finally tore my eyes away, unable to make sense of such a thing, feeling as if those pieces of the puzzle would never fit together in my mind.

"You shouldn't call me that...anymore," I spoke more to the wall beside me than the stunning blonde male standing in front of me, not wanting to see that hurt on his face that I knew would be there.

I could feel his grip loosen on my metal wrist for just a fraction of a second before tightening again...and I knew that I had already hurt him.

"Too bad, pal;" his voice carried, sounding strong and more resilient than I was in this moment, "...it's who you are, it's the name of my best..."

"Don't..." I cut him off, glaring at the floor before clenching my jaws and suppressing my seemingly endless anger with this subject as I blinked my eyes back up to meet his again.

"...Cap?" the other male behind me spoke up, his voice almost breaking towards the end of the single syllable and I could feel him shift his weight.

He was nervous and on-edge.

Good.

Captain America did not even glance at his unsteady partner, his eyes still fixed on my kneeling form and holding some kind of worry that I could not even fully comprehend while I easily returned such a heavy stare.

"Bucky...let us bring you in...we just want to help you. What if..." he had tried to continue.

"Captain!" Sam Wilson prompted but all was quickly hushed as I utilized this precise moment of their discord to my advantage.

I yanked my flesh arm free from Sam's grip, and drove my elbow hard into his gut, sending him stumbling several feet back and gasping for air.

I planted my free hand on the floor and kicked both of my boots into Captain America's torso and side, having to bow my body to deliver such a blow and force the larger male to let go of my wrist.

He staggered backwards, shock and something else...something almost too familiar written clearly on his handsome face, but I barely allowed myself any time to see it.

This type of narrow, open surrounding was wholly to my disadvantage in a fight against the both of them, so I ignored that man's shout to my back as I sprinted for the dark corridor.

"Bucky! Wait! Sam, hurry...!"

I heard boots thumping against the concrete slab beneath us, making bits of snow trickle inside from the cracks in the stone, and then suddenly Captain's shield whizzed right by me.

"_There's a cord!"_ I realized just a beat too late, as Captain America had obviously had a thin rope tied to his shield which he had thrown to go around me on purpose.

I was made to stop dead in my sprint as the shield banged noisily against the wall in front of me and then the wall to my left, bringing that cord around me a few times and tightening fast.

"_Shit!"_ my mind panicked but I pushed those kinds of feelings away, just like how I had been trained to do when missions did not always go as planned.

I turned around, the cord drawing tighter around me as Captain America had his shield on his arm once more and grabbed up more and more of the sturdy twine, reigning me in.

"Sam, fly out ahead! Let's corner him and block the exit!" Captain ordered his partner smartly, the same tactic as I would have done when using a two-man group to hunt down a lone target.

I sighed through my mask and slowly brought my eyes to his.

Such a beautiful struggle they held in them...

Such a beautiful...

"I really am sorry..." I admitted quietly, drawing a knife and a small, metal ball from a back pocket of my cold-weather tactical gear, "...I just...don't know...I don't know who to trust anymore."

A slice of my knife had Captain's rope falling around me in pieces and then I threw the tiny but dense ball directly up over head into the ceiling, making it detonate on impact.

"Whoa! Oh shit!" Falcon exclaimed, having to reverse his direction of flight as the whole underground facility shook violently from the explosion, chunks of stone from the ceiling and walls starting to break off and fall around us.

I darted for the only exit, already able to see the snow on the steps that lead outside, a stark contrast of bright white against so much darkness around us, and I longed to feel its icy kiss upon my cheeks.

I was too exposed here, too uncomfortable with _him_ here...

I hated not knowing what to say to him.

And that familiar winter was so close.

"No you don't!" a voice roared too close behind me, not leaving me enough time to look over my shining metal shoulder to see just how close before I felt two impossibly strong arms wrap around me, squeezing me tightly.

I grit my teeth as I was tackled to the ground, the heavy body crushing into my back and forcing all the air to rush out of my lungs and I watched as my mask clattered out ahead of us.

Stars dotted my vision for a moment, my returning breath moving the few locks of hair that had flown in front of my face, as I struggled to plant my hands on the floor underneath my body.

"Damnit Bucky, listen to me!" Captain America spoke intensely, his every word feeling more like a blow than that tackle had, and I could not help but shiver when I felt his lips brush over my ear as he kept me pinned down, "You've got to stop running! Just come back with me...let me help you! There's so much you have to remember!"

I could barely get the super soldier on top of me to budge and I balled my hands into fists on the floor in aggravation.

More heavy stones crashed loudly all around us but I could tell that he had not even noticed or cared.

I could practically feel those stunning blue eyes watching me, studying my profile, looking for anything...anything that would give him hope.

I hated that I did not fully understand the reason...but I felt razor-sharp guilt course through me because he looked at me like that.

I licked my lips, not knowing what to say while, ignoring it when most of another wall collapsed beside us and pushed some dusty air into my face.

"I know you went there...to the exhibit...to our exhibit," Captain America seemed to retract some of his weight off of me, allowing me to breathe a little easier even though I could feel him tighten his grip on my gear across my back "That was us, Bucky...it's all about our lives before this. You saw that we were friends...we fought in the war together...and..."

My mind went blank and I could feel anger quickly taking over again.

It was irrational and uncontrollable.

Just like how I had been trained.

Just like what would happen if I tried to remember anything...

I did not want to hear any more right now, not from him, not like this.

His truth hurt too much.

I gathered all of my strength and pushed up off the ground, lifting him right along with me, as I reached my hands back and grabbed his shoulder and collar of his uniform.

"Enough!" I yelled, flinging his dense weight right over me and sending him smashing into one of the few stone walls that was still standing.

The corridor was rumbling and caving in on itself, rendering the winged man unable to fly as he dashed to Captain's side.

Captain America was cradling his side as his friend tried to help him to stand – those blue eyes of his showing all of his pain to me.

I ran.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_Bucky's POV_

Two months later...

I stepped over the bloodied, lifeless body of the aged but well-trained HYDRA operative that I had tracked down to their residence in eastern Germany.

A few weeks ago, I had found another HYDRA base just outside of Moscow which contained detailed files about the few people that had had a hand in developing and performing the procedures needed to create the perfect killing machine – the Winter Soldier.

All of the files had had pictures of me lying on medical tables while hordes of masked HYDRA physicians cut into my severed arm and celebrated with raised glasses of champagne when my mechanical arm worked successfully.

I was just their creation...their working project.

I had felt sick to my stomach upon seeing all of those photos and how I could not remember a minute of it.

Some of the files had included information about my fall from the train...

I had been shocked to read that I had sustained some brain damage, enough so that it would affect my memory, and HYDRA had apparently created a device that would periodically trigger that previous damage and erase my short term memory.

It had taken a while for me to swallow that last part of information, feeling dread solidly lodge itself within me over what I could have done during all that lost time and could not remember because of their tampering.

I felt dirtied, used...stretched thin and barely human because of them.

Perhaps most of all, I felt alone.

I breathed a laugh, remembering chiseled features, smiling pink lips, and bright blue eyes all too vividly as my very next thought, almost as if I was proving myself wrong.

"_Captain..."_ I remembered with a bleak sadness peeking through the otherwise comforting thought of that man, razor-sharp guilt and confusion always seeming to blend into the seams of my hope when it came to him.

"_He knows me...doesn't care about any of this..."_ my thoughts continued without my permission, the confidential HYDRA file all but forgotten about in my hands as I looked on into the darkened house, _"...always offering his help."_

I frowned and threw the file, not feeling the slightest bit better upon watching the many papers and pictures fly out of the folder in every direction and scattering across the room, a few of the forms fluttering down and landing on top of the deceased homeowner.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, having to remind myself to calm down, remove myself mentally from the situation, and think objectively.

But I couldn't.

This wasn't another mission of theirs for me to execute.

This wasn't more of their brainwashing.

This was my life...what was left of it. This was me trying to move forward and not...not knowing how to do that.

"_Where do I even go from here?"_ I turned around and surveyed more of the lovely but lonesome room of the spacious house, finding its emptiness reflecting exactly how I felt in this moment, _"...there really isn't a place for me. Do I just continue to hunt these people down...is that all what I'm meant to do?"_

I felt so useless, like a sharpened blade without a purpose.

...but I could continue.

I could hunt more of HYDRA's operatives down and give them what they deserved.

All my loneliness that I felt, it was their fault.

Maybe it was time for all of my training to analyze situations and tasks objectively, to be over and done.

As long as I had my anger at all of them, I wasn't lonely.

"_Just come back with me...let me help you!"_

I felt a horrible pain tear through my chest upon recalling those words.

He had said them...he had shouted them to me when he had caught up with me in that Russian laboratory...and remembering them now made me freeze where I stood.

My eyes settled on the hardwood floor and I could still remember just how worried and desperate Captain America's face had looked when he had stretched out his gloved hand and begged me with his eyes to take it.

I sighed.

"_You've got to stop running!"_

I grit my teeth and took a step away from the room.

"_...let me help you..."_

I lifted my gaze to a window beside me as I took another step but then stopped my arduous task of leaving this place right now, my reflection in the glass looking back at me.

"_...I wish he was here right now,"_ my thoughts whispered quietly to me and me alone.

X

_Third Person POV_

Three days later...

"Sir, sorry to interrupt..."

"What is it, JARVIS? I finally have the whole gang together and we're kind of in the middle of something here so make it quick," Tony Stark announced with a theatrical roll of his eyes.

All of the Avengers were currently gathered around a large round table at the top of Stark Tower discussing the latest news about Loki's whereabouts as well as his key involvement with stopping the Dark Elves alongside his big brother Thor.

They had just breached the topic about how Loki was now missing when Stark's artificial intelligence program spoke up and addressed them all.

"I realize that, sir, but new intel marked 'highest priority' from S.H.I.E.L.D has just been confirmed in our search parameters;" JARVIS stated, causing a wave of gravity to settle thickly in the room, especially for one person in particular,"...a one mister James Buchanan Barnes, codenamed Winter Soldier, has just been identified by an unknown tracking system located in Ostrava of the Czech Republic."

All eyes went to Cap as he slowly stood up from his chair, his face like stone and his eyes even harder as they looked at no one.

Tony crossed his arms over his chest but remained silent along with everyone else, knowing that this was ultimately Cap's call.

"Mr. Stark...get me a plane," Captain ordered.


End file.
